Of Doom and Shopping Lists
by Divinesheep
Summary: What happens when Zim and Dib meet at WalMart? and what is a...mango?


Me and my friend Shana wrote this together, and she beta'd the parts I wrote alone…hehe. YAY FOR US!

Disclaimer: nope, not mine.

**Of Doom and Shopping Lists**

The place where all chaos and pure evil filtrate….the place where darkness overshadows the light…the place with that funny little dancing smiley thing… Yes. They were at Wal-Mart.

"What! Look at the size of this ketchup container! YOU COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD WITH THIS MUCH TOMATO JUICE!"

Zim proclaimed, holding a giant bottle of ketchup big enough to feed the planet of Zambeebearbar above his head. A few people stared at him.

Most just walked away, muttering the Twilight Zone theme song.

Gir gazed at the ketchup bottle with pure amazement and shouted,

"I want the big ketchup!".

"SILENCE!" Zim commanded, and then ducked as a jar of peanut butter was sent flying towards him by a random shopper.

"SILENCE FOOLS! YOU KNOW NOT THE POWER OF THIS RED STICKY SUBSTANCE!".

About 3 miles down, Dib was pitifully wandering down the cereal aisle.

'Why can't Gaz or dad do the shopping for once?' he thought to himself, raising his hand to his gigantic head melodramatically.

'I mean…sure. Dad's a busy scientist, and Gaz needs more time with her…uh…video game things…but…'

As he picked up a box of cereal which he thought looked suspicious, he heard someone squealing about…ketchup?

Who would be stupid enough to be-

"ZIM!"

Realizing he had shouted the last word out loud, and several boxes of cereal and people were now staring at him, he dramatically dropped the box of cereal and ran to find where the alien was hiding (althewhile running over people's feet, attempting to drag his shopping cart along).

"KETCHUP THIEF!" Dib yelled maniacally, hopping out from behind a tower of strained beets. Zim retorted by screaming,

"Back off! I have ketchup and I know how to use it!".

A crowd was gathering now, mostly of people who were after the sale on processed cheese that Zim and Dib were standing in front of.

Without warning, Gir shrieked,

"KETCHUUUUUUUP!", making everyone stop and stare at him.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence and the annoying hiccupping of some little boy, Dib finally took a careful step forward.

In an attempt to seem brave, he put his hands on his hips heroically.

"Zim...put the ketchup down...slowly. I've had enough from Gaz today; I don't need you squirting squished tomatoes at me."

With that proclamation (which no one listened to) made, Gir grabbed the ketchup bottle from Zim, and ran away with it, screaming incomprehensibly, while globs of ketchup spilled from the bottle.

An employee ran after him with a mop, yelling,

"HAND OVER THAT KETCHUP!".

After Zim and Dib finally remembered the purpose of screaming

at each other, they resumed their fight.

"What are you doing here, stink beast!" Zim yelled, waving his arms in the air psychotically.

Dib stared at him, and then slowly answered,

"…Shopping."

Astounded with this logic, Zim was flabbergasted for about 3 seconds.

"Oh," he replied, "Well…uh, do you know where the bacon is?"

Dib gave Zim an awestruck stare,

"…You eat bacon?"

"What's with the pauses before you answer!" Zim shouted, and then remembered Dib had asked him a question.

"…Oh, uh-"

He tried to provide Dib with the answer, without sounding too stupid.

"…Gir does." A spooky silence, ignoring the hiccups, was shared between the enemies for a few minutes.

Remembering that he still had to answer Zim, Dib replied,

"Well, 'bout the…bacon…aisle 5, left, past the raisins in bags."

He pointed in the direction with a carton of mango juice he had picked up.

Zim, oblivious to the large print reading, 'JUICE' on the carton, immediately got into kung-fu stance.

"Gah!" Zim shouted, "What are you pointing at me, Dib-human! a weapon? Made of cardboard! You will never destroy Zim with your puny earth mah…" He paused, "Mun….Man…..man-goose!"

"Mangoes?" Dib asked, unsure of whether to laugh or smack Zim upside the head with said juice. Throwing it casually into his cart, he continued.

"Geez Zim, relax! it's a stinking juice carton!"

Zim paused, his eye twitching in thought.

"What is this…mango you spoke of, Dib-monkey?"

Dib stared at the Irken Idiot for a few seconds before a sly and rather creepy smile appeared on his face,

"You don't know what a mango is? Everyone knows what a mango is, Zim. _Everyone_."

Ignoring a person watching who shouted 'I don't know what a mango is!', Zim paused before retaliating.

"…Of course I know what mango is, you horribly deformed noodle child! I was just….making sure you knew!"

Zim stopped his rampage for a moment, and then broke out into maniacal laughter,

"YES! That's it! I was making sure you knew! I know…do you know? I KNOW! I know….because I'm NORMAL!"

Hiccup. Hiccup. Hiccup.

"STOP THAT INHUMANE HICCUPING, BOY!" Zim shouted.

A rather plump lady marched up to Zim, knocking over boxes of cereal as she went.

"DON'T YOU YELL AT MY LITTLE TIMMY! He's got sensitive ears!" She howled, grabbing the child in question and covering his ears.

"You dare order the great Zim! GIR! ATTACK THAT MONSTEROUS THING!"

Zim commanded, raising his finger threateningly into the air and waiting for Gir to pop out of wherever he was hiding.

Gir appeared from behind a loaf of bread lying on a shelf to Zim's left, ketchup still in his nubs, and ran towards the fat lady.

Terrified (and a tad grossed out), the woman pointed at Gir and screamed,

"OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT THING!"

And faster then you can say 'deep-fried Mooshminky', Gir bonsai jumped her; accidentally knocking off a bag of flower from the shelf, causing a massive explosion of snowy-whiteness.

The whole aisle has immediately turned into a huge cloud of white powder. Zim coughed and tried to reach out for Gir, but couldn't see a thing in the thick white fog.

"GIR! Come to your master!" he cried, grabbing the closest thing to him, which happened to be a handful of the fat lady's love handles.

"But I don't wanna!..."

A silence was heard amongst all the flower-induced terror, in which an epic battle of choosing the path of right or wrong was considered.

"…Okay!"

And the choice was made.

Gir bounded over to his master. Zim grabbed Gir by his collar and they started out for the door.

BEEP!

The security thingy at the entrance signaled that Gir had ran off without paying for the ketchup…

The End. OR IS IT!


End file.
